


Care of You, Care For You

by Oatsotas



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Babysitting, Family, Gen, I don't know what went wrong, Motherhood, Trauma, this was supposed to be happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-31
Updated: 2018-01-31
Packaged: 2019-03-11 20:09:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13531641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oatsotas/pseuds/Oatsotas
Summary: Miu Iruma is many things: Loud, crass, vulgar, meek, submissive, dirty, a genius. But she's not a mother. After a trip to the doctor, she's discovered she never will be. So is it so wrong that she loves her friends' children as her own?





	Care of You, Care For You

"Aunty'ruma!" shouts a young boy, scampering down the hallway of Miu's apartment, taking care to avoid the clutter carelessly tossed around.

Miu looks up from her magazine and sees the boy holding out a stick with a broken rubber band attached to it. He's a cute kid, gonna be handsome in the future. Messy purple hair like his dad, piercing red eyes like his mom. He's grinning, several teeth are missing and one is wiggly (as he proudly pointed out at the beginning of today's babysitting adventure).

"What the hell is that thing?" Miu asks, jabbing her finger at it. She almost asks if it's some kind of new dildo but bites her tongue. Maki already lashes out at her for swearing so casually around Sora. That's the kid's name. Sora Harukawa. Miu had more than a few comments about Kaito's penis size when she heard they gave Sora Maki's last name.

"Watch!" Sora says excitedly. He pulls on the free end of the rubber band until it's taut, then he lets it fly and cackles with glee as it snaps against Miu's bare arm.

"Fuck! You little shit!" Miu grabs for Sora but he dances out of her way. "I'm gonna fucking get you for that!" Miu hops off the couch but Sora's already dashed around the corner.

Kicking the mess on the floor (it's all just failed inventions anyway), Miu runs into her bedroom. She can hear Sora's giggling under the bed. Typical kid hiding spot. She pads over and lifts up the disheveled bed sheet hanging over the edge. "Found ya, littl- shit!" Sora hits her again with the rubber band, this time right between the eyes.

Miu backs up from the bed, holding her head. Sora tries to escape. "Hold it," Miu orders,  her voice firm, clear.

Sora stops, looks at her with confused eyes. "What's wrong, Aunty'ruma?"

Kneeling down to Sora's level, Miu says, "Remember what I fucking said about where to aim your little pranks?"

A silent nod is all it takes for Sora to convince Miu of his apology. It's a long established dance. Miu has two modes that most people see. "Loud, crass, vulgar," and, "meek, submissive, vulgar." Sora's privileged in that sense. He gets to see the gentle firmness that overtakes Miu when he oversteps a boundary.

Most would say Miu has no boundaries. She'd say they never gave her a chance to set them.

"Sorry, Aunty'ruma," Sora says, dropping his new invention.

Miu's expression softens and she ruffles the young boy's hair. Can't get any messier than it already is. "No worries, pipsqueak. Besides…" She grins and hefts the boy over her shoulder. He flails and squeals. "I gotcha! Ha ha ha! Now it is time for some fucking revenge!"

"No Aunty'ruma!" Sora yells with a smile on his face. "Don't make me eat anything. I'm not hungry!" His belly growls. Miu can feel it on her shoulder.

Laughing haughtily, Miu makes her way to her small kitchen. "Oh, not hungry eh? So just what kind of disgusting, nasty food should I force you to eat?"

Sora rubs his head with his fist. His "thinkin' pose" as he tells it. "Poi! I hate poi sooooooo much!"

Setting Sora down on a stool, Miu laughs again. "Poi? What kinda shitty - eh…" She cuts herself off again. Maybe the lessons Kaede's giving her are finally paying off. "Eh… lemme look up how to make it, Pipsqueak!"

Miu quickly pulls up a search page on her phone. "Oi, Sora, how the hell do you spell Poi?"

"Aunty'ruma's so dumb!" Sora shouts. Miu glares at him, side-eyed. "Uh… I think it's P-O-I."

Her stomach knots and her legs quiver ever so slightly. She sucks in her lips. Types it in. Ignores that those three letters already dominate her search history. Relief comes when she types in "recipe."

"This shit is just purple goop!" Miu says, voice cracking. She hopes Sora doesn't notice.

"Uh-huh!" Sora nods. "Papa makes it for me sometimes!"

"Of course he does… son of a bitch can't make anything not-purple." Miu mutters the last bit to herself "Ugh, what the fuck is corm?"

"They have it at the corner store!"

Miu tucks her phone back into the pocket of her sweats. She hadn't intended to be seen today, not yet, but whatever. Aside from the rubber band incident, Sora's been good today. She can treat him. "Alright, get your coat Pipsqueak, we're going shopping once I take my medicine!"

A couple hours later, Miu and Sora are sitting on the floor cross-legged, their fingers sticky with the second batch of poi. The first is currently on the ceiling and doesn't appear to be coming down any time soon. There's a knock at the door. Miu glances at the clock on the stove. 4:15, right on time. Must be Maki.

She manages to shuffle to the door and open it with her foot, bowl of poi still cradled in the nook of her arm. In the doorway, Maki stands bundled in a heavy black coat and purple scarf. "Hello, Miu," she says politely. Her gaze drops to the bowl in Miu's arm.

"Wasthup Faki."

"Please swallow before you continue."

Miu tries to hide the grin forming on her face. Maki rolls her eyes. Managing to get the food down, Miu shouts over her shoulder at Sora. "Pipsqueak, Maki's here."

"Mama!" Sora says, shoving past Miu to bury his face in Maki's coat.

Maki smiles softly.

Miu chokes back the lump in her throat. It's made of poi and envy and just a smidge of hatred. Towards both Maki and herself.

"Hello, Sora. Were you good today?" Maki kneels down and wipes the young boy's cheek. "And what is this?"

"Aunty'ruma made poi for me!" Sora says excitedly. "And we played chef!"

"Inventor chefs," Miu corrects.

Sora nods. "Inventor chefs!"

Maki narrows her eyes and meets Miu's gaze. "Did you help  _ Aunty'ruma  _ with an invention again?" The way she says Miu's nickname is filled with subtle venom that Sora doesn't pick up on.

"S-stop looking at me l-like that…" Miu says, shrinking and taking a step back. "We were just pretending. Normal pots and pans, promise."

Standing, Maki dusts off her coat. "Go get your jacket," she says to Sora. The boy dashes off. She turns to Miu. "Be honest. You didn't do anything dangerous with him, did you?"

"No! 'Course not. What kinda babysitter do you take me for?" Miu sneers, but it's weak. There's nothing truly vicious in Maki's interrogation. The venom comes from worry. A mother's worry. One that Miu wishes she could give.

"I'm ready, Mama!" Sora says. His coat hangs off one arm, the other side draped over his shoulder.

"That's not happening," Maki says, causing Sora to pout.

"Why not? Papa does it!"

"Exactly. Fix your coat."

Both Miu and Maki step forward to help Sora. They pause. Miu backs down. She knows her place. Her permanent place. Maki pulls the coat onto Sora's arm, taking his hand in hers. "Thank you, Miu," she says.

"N-no problem." She shuffles her feet. "Let… let me know when you need a babysitter again."

Sora bounces with excitement. He yanks at Maki's sleeve. "Can you and Papa have a special night soon so I can play with Aunty'ruma some more?!"

Maki's face flushes and Miu smiles wryly. "Ehem, well, yes, if it's alright with Miu, of course."

Flashing a thumbs up, Miu says,"Pipsqueak's always welcome here."

"Okay then, sometime next week, probably. I'll tell you more details later." Maki looks at Sora. "Ready to go?" Sora nods.

"Bye Aunty'ruma!" he shouts as he and Maki start walking down the steps that lead to Miu's apartment.

Miu smiles. It's warm, caring, genuine.  "Can't wait," she whispers, "I'll take good care of you."

 

\---

 

Miu's apartment complex is devastatingly silent. Most of the residents are older. She's the youngest. When she moved in, she heard more than a few comments about how soon there'd be kids running amok, making nothing but noise. How wrong they were.

Her heating doesn't work well. The November night is cold. Her nose is numb and red. She shrouds herself in a wooly blanket draped over her shoulders. She wiggles her toes in her fluffy slippers, making sure she can still feel them. She's sitting on a stool at her counter, a half-empty bowl of ginger rice in her hands, it's warmth is long gone but the memory at least keeps the feeling in her fingers. Maybe she could invent something that keeps bowls warm but not hot. She could use another success. 

The royalties from her eye-drop contacts keep her comfortable but with how much she spends on spoiling her friends' kids, she could use the income. Her friends have offered to pay her, but she can't bring herself to charge them. "Next time," she always barks. Next time, always next time.

A small trunk rests on the countertop. It's a smooth, leather-bound one, designed for travel. Miu doesn't remember where she got it. Her name is imprinted on the bottom left.

She keeps it in the closet most of the time. For reassurance or for punishment, she's not sure. But it's there and she takes it out whenever Sora comes over. She opens the trunk. It's lined with pictures. Some taken by her, most by others. They're not her pictures. 

A picture of Sora and Maki and Kaito having a picnic. Kaito is shirtless and Maki's in a pretty sundress and floppy hat. Sora plays with a truck in the corner. They all have loving, content smiles on their faces.

A picture of Himiko and Tenko, the latter dressed in martial arts gear training the young boy they adopted. When Miu heard that Himiko managed to convince Tenko to get a boy, Himiko had to promise to help make sure he didn't grow up to be a degenerate. Yuuto.

A picture of Shuichi and Kaede, hands on the shoulder of a young girl holding a new kitten that looks like it would rather be anywhere else. Miu took that one. She'd accompanied them to the shelter where Ryoma works. Boredom really. Kanna. 

A picture of Kirumi, surrounded by her employer's children. Six of them, each vying for her attention and clamoring to be in the picture. Miu took that one as well. The employer was an investor that looked for up-and-coming inventors. She'd told Miu she would be in touch. Miu's still waiting on that call. Sanna, Niko, Itsuki, Akari, Touma, Himari.

The final item in the trunk isn't a picture, it's a note. One written in the quick, sloppy handwriting of a doctor. It's a reminder. A physical reminder of crushed dreams. The note says simply, "Primary Ovarian Insufficiency - P.O.I." Two months ago.

Miu rests her hand over her belly. The stab wounds from Sora are fresh. Whenever he comes over, whenever he smiles, whenever he gets into mischief, he stabs her. He doesn't mean to. Never will mean to. Probably isn't aware he does it. Miu will never tell him. He represents everything she wishes she could have. 

On the back of the note is a list of symptoms. One is circled. Not by the doctor, but by her. "Infertility."

Miu doesn't cry. Tears may fall from her eyes, but she never cries. Except when she reads that word. That one almost guarantee in her life taken from her. She could be a failure as an inventor, a failure as a person, a failure as an adult, but she always held onto hope that she could never be a failure as a mother. Some would say she's failed as a woman. She knows that's bullshit. She cries anyway. Until she falls asleep at the counter.

That night, she dreams of all the ways to have a child. She doesn't have a husband or lover. She was dating a man, but he wanted kids, couldn't stand the thought of not having kids that are "his." She sometimes dreams that he still wraps his arms around her and rubs her pregnant belly. Though, those could be nightmares.

Adoption's expensive and difficult (and face it, who would approve a vulgar sack of shit like her?) In vitro terrifies her. She was a test tube baby. A marvel of science. All that got her in life was being laughed at for being an experiment.

Halfway through the night she wakes up and drags herself to bed. It's big and empty. Tenko told her that on the third night after bringing Yuuto home he got a fever. He'd been four at the time. He had cried constantly until Tenko let him sleep with her. Apparently she wasn't entirely sold on even having the kid (but damn, Himiko could convince her to do anything). That is, she wasn't sold until Yuuto curled up next to her and settled down.

Miu reaches out to the empty space next to her. Strokes the streets as if they're sick. "I'd do nothing but care for you," she whispers. Forces herself to sleep.

 

\---

 

Miu likes to sit at the local playground sometimes. Watching the kids play made-up games that have nonsensical rules fills her with something that might be earnest joy. Today, three boys are in some competition to see who can score the most points in a fake soccer game. They keep shouting at each other and butt heads whenever one of them changes a rule or makes a new one. A set of twins rules the slides as Leaders for All Time and Always. They let other kids go down the slide at a cost of three normal rocks or one shiny rock. Two girls try to match each other's jumps off the swingset.

A group of mothers and a father is huddled together around a water fountain. They're always polite to Miu, but that's it. Polite. Never friendly. As if they can sense that she isn't one of them. Will never be. She can barely make out their conversation, but they grumble about how the kids can want to play when it's so cold out.

It's not really that cold, Miu thinks. Maybe one of the side effects of parenthood is that you lose your ability to withstand temperatures. Miu will never know.

She shakes out her ponytail and lets her hair fall in front of her. It's a habit she's had for a while, something her therapist suggested as a distracting mechanism. She combs her fingers through the dull blonde locks. She needs a shower, but her bathroom smelled like mold so she had opened a window and turned on the fan and left the apartment.

"Aunty'ruma!" Sora's voice is immediately followed by a flying tackle that nearly sends both him and Miu off the bench.

Managing to catch the young boy and not fall on her ass, Miu looks down at the toothless grin beaming up at her. "H-hey, Sora."

"Miu, how's it going?" Kaito says, jogging up to catch his son. He has that same shit-eating grin as Sora. It's clear where the younger boy got it.

"Kaito?"

"The one and only!" He clasps Sora on the shoulder. "Hey, get offa her already."

Sora climbs off Miu. He turns to the twins at the slide and waves. "Can I go play, Papa?"

"Well that's why we came to the park isn't it?" Kaito says jovially.

Cocking his head, Sora replies, "I thought it was 'cause Mama's mad at you."

Kaito blanches and hurries Sora off to go play with his friends. He sighs. "Observant little shit, isn't he?"

"I guess," Miu says. "What'd you do this time?"

"What do you mean this time?!"

"You always fuck up somehow. You get the wrong hole again?"

Kaito crosses his arms. "Hmph. I was just trying to make a nice dinner. We didn't even need to call the fire department!"

Miu laughs. It's hollow. "Kyakyakyakya! You go so fast your dick catch on fire?"

"Not so fucking loud, they'll hear ya!"

"No!" shouts a girl atop the slide. Miu and Kaito look over to see a group of kids looking at a broken toy racecar at the bottom of the slide. "You broke it! Jerk!" It's one of the twins. She starts hitting her brother.

"I didn't mean to!" the brother yells back.

"We should probably stop this before a fight breaks out," Kaito says, starting to jog over.

Miu wants to argue and say that it's the twins' parents' job to sort this out, but she's at the park enough to know that they're about as useful as a broken condom. She follows Kaito where he's separated the arguing twins.

As soon as she gets there, Sora shouts above everyone. "Never fear, Aunty'ruma is here!"

"Huh?" Miu says blankly.

The twins stop fighting and look up at Miu. They're identical and both have intense green eyes and runny noses. "You're that lady that sits alone all the time!"

"You little…" Miu bites her tongue and fights a blush.

"No, no, no, Aunty'ruma's really really smart!" Sora says. He snatches the pieces of the broken car and shoves them into Miu's hands. "She can fix anything!"

"Woah!" says the boy twin, "Anything?"

Nodding emphatically, Sora says, "Yep! She's the bestest fixer in the world!"

"Eh?! I-I-I'm really n-not…" Miu takes a step back and for a moment it looks as if she's gonna drop the car and run.

"Don't be so modest!" Kaito chimes in. "You fixed my heating after it went out just last week!"

Sora snorts. "You mean when you broke the radiator."

"Why you…" Kaito playfully wraps Sora in a bear hug and rubs his head.

Miu smiles softly and looks at the car in her hands. It's really a simple fix, except for the wiring. A few reattached wheels, a piece of bumper fitted back into place, getting mulch out of the axles. She hands the reassembled car back to the girl twin. "I'll need some special tools to make the electronics work, but it'll roll just fine now!"

"You can fix the elec-electronomics!" the girl twin says, wide-eyed. "We broke those last year!"

"Of course I can, I'm the great Miu Fu-... uh… Miu Iruma!" She puts her hands on her hips. "I can fix anything!"

The boy twin starts hopping from one foot to another. "Can you, can you, can you, uh, can you be the royal builder?!"

"Royal builder?"

"Yeah! We're the rulers but we need a builder. Come on, pleeeeeaaaassseeee?"

The twins hold out their hands as if they want Miu to take them. Sora looks just as eager and a few other kids on the periphery look ready to join the game as well. Miu smiles and takes the twins' hands. "Alright!" she says, "I, the great Miu Iruma the Builder, accept your request."

The kids cheer and scatter across the playground as the twins start ordering people to do silly tasks. Miu plays with the kids for hours, even managing to get Kaito involved as the royal pin-the-tail on the donkey man. One by one, though, parents called their kids back until it was just Sora and a few older kids who wouldn't be caught dead playing some "children's game."

Early evening rolls around. Miu joins Kaito and Sora on the way back to their home. Rather, Sora fell asleep so Kaito and Miu take turns carrying him back.

"That was fun!" Kaito says, stretching, having just handed Sora off to Miu.

"Damn right it was! I was involved!" Miu huffs and adjusts Sora's head so that it's his cheek on her shoulder instead of his chin. "Fucking hell, it's like he inherited your beard as his chin." 

Kaito laughs, strokes his beard. A cold breeze blows the free arm of his jacket out behind him. Miu always thought Kaito was handsome. He had a heroic quality to him. The unwavering confidence in his smile and the complete passion that overtook him. It was easy to see how he caught even Maki the Ice Queen's attention.

"Good!" Kaito shouts, voice loud on the empty street. "Means he'll grow up to be just as much of a looker!"

"As Maki?"

"No as-!" Kaito catches himself as Miu bites her lip. "Almost got me!"

Miu giggles. "I mean, I wouldn't mind if he ended up looking like Maki. She's hot as fuck. Though, could use a boob job."

Kaito just rolls his eyes. "Maybe I like 'em small."

"I'm sure she'd say the same thing," Miu counters. Kaito grumbles something expletive-laden.

They stop in front of Kaito's home. It's a small, quaint place. A well kept garden frames the traditional doorway. Kaito's work as an aeronautical engineer pays well. And Maki. Well, Miu learned not to ask about what Maki does a long time ago. It's a wonderful family home.

Sora begins to wiggle awake in Miu's arms so she sets him carefully on the sidewalk. He balls his fists and rubs his eyes. Blinks. Yawns.

Kaito kneels down. "Morning sleepyhead, time for daycare!"

Sora blinks again. "Quiet, Papa."

"What did you fucking say to me?" Kaito says, snarling a bit. Miu just snorts.

Nonplussed, Sora repeats, "Quiet, Papa." He stands up and wraps his arms around Miu's leg. "I'm not gonna go to daycare cause Aunty'ruma's here. She can watch me."

Her heart swells. Her belly cramps. She has to fight the urge to keel over. Sora's getting too close. Too close to calling Miu "Mom," at least, in her head. That sickening desire to hear it spreads from where he's holding her as if he was a leech sending poison through her veins. She grits her teeth. Maybe if she switches to her weak side he'll leave her alone. Be scared or confused and run back to Kaito. Back to Papa.

"Aunty'ruma?" Sora says.

"What is it, P-pipsqueak?" she says, voice frail, so very frail. She looks down at his big red eyes. They're Maki's through and through, but with the intense kindness of Kaito. Miu has to look away. She'll drown in those eyes. They have none of her in them. No of that sky blue she's always been so proud of. When she imagines future children, they have her eyes. She'll drown in those eyes.

"Are you okay?"

Such a simple question. An innocent, earnest question. Sora's gonna be a hero like Kaito one day. Miu kneels down and ruffles his hair. "I'm fine, Sora. Just thinking 'bout some adult stuff."

Sora frowns, wraps his arms around Miu's neck. "If you say so." He squeezes tight. "If you need to feel better, I can give you Mr. Spacebearman."

Resting a hand on Sora's head, Miu says, "Who's that?"

"Only the best birthday present ever given!" Kaito responds, though Miu can tell it's nothing but bravado put on for Sora's sake. She hasn't told him of her diagnosis, but Kaito's not as stupid as he seems. He saw how she clung to Sora after that doctor's visit.

"He makes me feel better when I'm sad," Sora says. He nods his head with such confidence he might as well have solved world hunger. "So you just tell me if you need him, okie dokie?"

Miu smiles, forlorn but content. "Okie fucking dokie, kiddo."

Kaito pats Sora on the shoulder. "Go inside, bud, Mama probably has dinner almost ready."

"'Kay, Papa." Sora scampers inside the house as if he hadn't just been fast asleep.

Miu stands up straight and stretches her back. Her back pops pleasantly. "Didn't know Fucki cooked," she says.

Kaito shakes his head. "Nah, she probably picked something up." He looks at Miu, stares into her eyes. "You alright?"

"Fuckin' fine."

"Miu, c'mon…"

Miu stares back. "I said I'm fucking fine. I just… need time, okay?" This is a new Miu, even to her. Defeated, resigned. She hates complacency, hates the idea of doing nothing with life. But now, now nothing seems preferable to whatever she has going on now.

Coughing into his fist, Kaito gets her attention. "Well, Maki and me are visiting my parents on Saturday. They're… pretty fucking boring. Would you wanna watch Sora for us?"

"Sure." The word escapes before she can say anything else. Before she can tell Kaito to fuck off. Before she can say that she doesn't need him to lend her his kid just cause she can't have her own. Instead, all she says, "What time?"

"Morning," Kaito responds,  "Meeting the folks for lunch."

Miu nods. "Got it, see ya then, Kaito Momodick."

"Miu."

"What?"

Kaito opens his mouth. Closes it. Opens it. Closes. Shakes his head. "Make sure Sora doesn't just eat junk, okay?"

Miu nods. "I'll take care of him."

 

\---

 

"No, Sora, we're not getting ice cream," Miu says as they walk down the street. On one shoulder she's slung her laundry bag. Sora holds her other hand. She hadn't intended to do laundry today, but Sora's lunch ended up all over the floor instead of in his mouth.

Pouting, Sora stomps his feet as he walks. "Why nooooooot?"

"Because," Miu replies, jerking her head. "I already bought you a fucking balloon." A chilly breeze blows said white balloon into Miu's face. Sora yanks it away, but the static makes Miu's hair stand on end.

"Aunty'ruma you look so silly!" Sora shrieks happily.

Miu shakes her hair, trying to get it to go down. Another gust of wind undoes any good the shake did. "Shoulda brought a damn hair tie," she mumbles.

"Aunty'ruma, watch this!"

Looking down, Miu watches as Sora lets go of his balloon, only to jump up and catch the string right before it's out of his reach. He looks at Miu expectantly.

She snorts. "Nice catch, but if you lose it, I ain't getting you another one."

Sora just rolls his eyes and continues his little game.

As they turn the corner towards the laundromat, Miu sees the familiar face of Tenko walking down the street. She's dressed in workout clothes, probably coming from her job at the gym. When she spots Miu, she smiles and waves then jogs up to her and Sora.

"Just the girl I wanted to see!" Tenko says.

Smirking, Miu responds, "You have Himiko at home for that, don't ya?"

A nice red blush forms on Tenko's face. "T-that's not what I meant and you know it!"

"Haha, you look like such a slut all embarrassed like that!"

Sora looks up at Miu. "Aunty'ruma, what's a sl-ut?"

"Eh-eh… " 

"Go on, Miu," Tenko says smugly. "Tell the little degenerate what that word means."

Miu narrows her eyes. "Don't call him a degenerate."

"He is Kaito's kid," Tenko counters.

Miu thinks for a moment. "Okay, fine, but he's not a degenerate, yet!"

"Aunty'ruma!" Sora whines. "What's a sl-ut?"

"It's a code 'don't tell you mother I said that around you,' got it, Pipsqueak?"

The corners of Sora's lips twitch into a smile. "Maybe I'll ask Mama when I get home."

"You little-"

"But I Papa always says junk food rots my brain."

Miu stands open-mouthed as the little shit actually has the gall to blackmail her. Maki had to have taught him that. To the side, Tenko mouths "degenerate" and points to Sora. For once, Miu's inclined to agree with her.

"Fine," Miu grumbles. "But only one scoop!"

"Yay!" Sora cheers. He lets go of his balloon. He only barely manages to catch it before a gust of wind nearly blows it away.

Turning to Tenko, Miu rolls her eyes. "What the hell did you even wanna see me for anyway?"

"Oh, right!" Tenko says. "Himiko and I are having a super special date night in here soon." She claps her hands to her face. "Himiko's performing at this amazing club and then we're going out on a ghost tour and she'll cling to me and I'll protect her and it'll be so cute!"

"Tenko!" Miu practically shouts. "You're already fucking her, don't need all the squealing."

"Right! Sorry! But we need someone to babysit Yuuto for the night."

Miu groans. "Why's everyone always assume  _ I'm  _ fucking free to babysit?"

"Cause you are, Aunty'ruma?"

"No comments from you, ya little shit."

"Eh-hem," Tenko coughs. "I'm on lunch break right now. Can you do it?"

"When?"

"A week from today."

Miu lets out a long sigh. "Fine, I guess I can do it." For as much of a fuss as she makes, Miu's excited. Yuuto may not have that same childlike charm that Sora has (who would after being passed around the foster system for years?), but he's easy to babysit. He'll probably just show Miu all the different moves Tenko teaches him.

"Thank you so much, Miu!" Tenko says. "I'll text you with more details later, mkay?"

"That works, urgh."

"You okay?"

Miu nods. "Yeah, my bag is just trying fuck my shoulder like an asshole. Gimme a sec."

The next thirty seconds seem to happen in slow motion for Miu. Thirty seconds that will replay for the rest of her life. She lumps her bag on the ground. "Sora," she says, "I'm switching hands." She lets go of Sora's hand. He plays his game, lets go of his balloon. A gust of wind blows it.

He misses the balloon.

It blows into the street. "My balloon!" he cries. He chases after it. Miu's eyes grow wide. A car turns the corner too fast.

"SORA!" Miu screams. She swipes for his arms.

She misses.

Tires screech like banshees. The car swerves sideways, flips, rolls. Each time it lands on the ground the Earth quakes under Miu's feet. Tenko lunges for Sora.

She barely misses.

He turns and sees the car. Miu can only see his eyes. Those big, impossibly beautiful red eyes. She sees their kindness. Their passion.

She sees the car.

She screams.

The car doesn't miss Sora.

The balloon disappears in the sky.

 

\---

 

It's been two weeks. Sora's funeral and wake were two days ago. Miu didn't go. She dressed in black, the traditional dress and jacket. A kimono felt too beautiful for someone like her. She sat in her apartment, staring at nothing. She hasn't seen anyone in two weeks. Her phone is dead.

Sora is dead.

The thought bombards her constantly. He infects her dreams. Each time she closes her eyes she can only see his, see them as he realizes what's happening. When she opens the fridge the leftover poi somehow is always dead center no matter how many times she pushes it to the back. She hasn't looked in a mirror in a week. The last time she tried she vomited.

She can't look at a killer. She can't look at Sora's killer.

Sora is dead.

She folds on herself, head tucked between her knees. She's been wearing the dress for three days. The hem by her ankles is stained with tears. She grinds her scalp with the heel of her right hand.

Her left hand is curled, as if holding something. She can't let her fingers uncurl. The last time she let go of something, he died.

Sora is dead.

The doorbell rings. Perhaps this is why she's infertile. She's not fit to be a mother. Easily distracted, careless, stupid stupid stupid. Her condition isn't a punishment, it's protection. Not for her, but for the countless children she would have killed.

The doorbell rings. She almost thought about attending the funeral. God, how heartless is she? She killed Kaito and Maki's only child. They have to hate her. They have to. Miu's only seen Maki cry once. Sora had a nasty infection as a baby; doctors weren't sure he was gonna make it. Miu was there at the hospital with some of the others to support them. Maki had buried her face in Kaito's chest. Whenever she looked up, her face gleamed with wetness. If she cried when Sora almost died… Stonehearted Maki forced to tears by the killer Miu. 

Miu digs her nails into palms already lined with cuts.

The doorbell rings. A loud knock on the door. And Kaito, how would Kaito react? He'd probably try to be strong. Give a lecture about moving forward, smile as best he could. He's annoying like that. But Sora could always crack him. That veneer of masculinity shattered when Sora was around and Kaito's sensitive side showed. One time Miu watched Kaito kiss Sora's "booboo," as Kaito put it, after Sora fell on the slide. It had warmed Miu's heart. How many booboos did Kaito have to kiss to bring Sora back?

Sora is dead. Tears fall from Miu's eyes.

The doorbell rings three times. Some is slamming on her door. A voice. "Miu! Miu! Are you in there? Open up! Please!"

She freezes. Kaito's voice. Unmistakable. Why are they here? To yell at her? To forgive her? She's not sure which would be worse.

Her body acts without her consent and moves to the door. Her hand lingers on the doorknob. Her belly aches. She's left handed but can't open the door with that hand. She sucks in a breath and opens the door.

Kaito and Maki stand there. They stare at Miu. Miu gets a good look at them. Kaito's hair's a mess. Not in its usual way. There's intent in how he normally styles it. Today, stray hairs poke out every way and his bangs fringe his eyes. Eyes that used to be filled with the warmth of a roaring hearth. It's barely a sputter. The lines on his face are pronounced. His black suit looks wrong on him. It's too formal, worn too well.

Maki's eyes are attached to the ground. They're the same color as Sora's. The same vibrant red as they always were. But they're far away. Maybe they're trying to see into the afterlife, to see Sora. Her hands are tucked into her long black jacket over top a black dress. A pearl necklace hangs from her neck. She's gathered  her hair into a single, full bunch. She kinda looks like she's ready to kill Miu. Miu wouldn't blame her.

Kaito speaks first. "May we come in?" His voice is hoarse, as if his throat is raw.

Miu nods and bows as they enter. Kaito slumps on her couch with a groan. The springs squeak under his weight. Maki walks to the window over the sink and stares outside. Outlined by the sun, she stands so still she might as well be a statue. Miu walks over and turns off the TV. It had been on but muted. Something to remind her to look up.

"Miu," Kaito says.

"Y-yes?"

Kaito draws in a deliberate, stuttering breath. "We…" He pauses, puts his fist over his mouth, touches his throat. "We… wanted to come here to let you know…" He blinks rapidly. Coughs. It sounds as if there's phlegm in his throat. "We- we don't blame you for what happened."

Miu grabs an empty cup off the table, goes to wash it. Maki is in the way. Maki doesn't move. Miu takes another cup from the cabinet. She fills it with water from a pitcher in the fridge. She almost grabs the poi.

She hands the cup to Kaito. He drinks it greedily. When he's finished, he says, "Did you hear me?"

Miu barely nods. "Yeah…" She hasn't heard her voice in six days. Since the last time she screamed at herself for being such a disgusting failure.

"I know… I know…" Kaito waves his hand in the air, as if he can snatch the words he's looking for out of the air. He can't, so he reaches into the pocket on his jacket. He pulls out a piece of paper folded four times. He smooths it on his pant leg and and reads. 

"We know that you're probably blaming yourself. But Tenko told us what happened. It was a mistake. The man driving the car was drunk and has been arrested. He'll be charged with… with…" Kaito chokes, clears his throat. Miu moves to get him more water but he holds up his hand. "He'll be charged with vehicular manslaughter. Justice will be done. There's… there's nothing any of us can do at this point. So, we want to try and move forward." Kaito folds the note back up and looks at Miu. He's so clearly tired. Dark rings border his eyes. Has he slept?

Damn him. Miu knew he'd have a speech. He always has a fucking speech. But speeches don't bring people back from the fucking dead.

"Fuck…" Miu says, she buries the heels of her hands into her eyes. She wails. A pitiful, painful wail. "Fuck!" She collapses on her knees. Tears stream from her eyes like brutal waterfalls. She tastes the salty tang and hopes that the salt is eroding her skin. 

"I'm… I'm so sorry," she chokes out.

For a while, nobody moves and the only sounds come from Miu's miserable sobs and the occasional one from Kaito.

Finally, Maki speaks. "Miu," she says. Her voice is cold. Not harsh, just cold.

Wiping her eyes, Miu meets Maki's glare. Maki's own tears glint in the sunlight. The weather's been beautiful these past two weeks. Warm for November, little wind, only gentle, caressing breezes. 

"Miu," Maki repeats and Miu realizes that Maki wants her to respond.

"Y-yeah, Maki?"

"Tell me something." Maki approaches Miu like a predator that's cornered prey. She extends her hand to Miu. "Did you love Sora?"

Miu doesn't need to think about the answer. "Yes." She takes Maki's hand and Maki hoists her onto her feet. 

A small, sad smile plays at Maki's lips. "Good. Then I'm glad he was with you."

"But I- I-"

"Miu. It was your birthday last week, yeah?"

"Mhm." To be honest, Miu had forgotten about her own birthday. How old is she? Twenty-six? Twenty-seven? What would Sora's twenty-sixth/seventh birthday look like?

Suddenly Maki thrusts something at Miu. It's a card made of printer paper with crayon scribbled all over the front. On the front it reads "Hapy - there's a crude picture of a cake that Miu assumes to mean 'birthday' - Ontee room uh!" Beneath that a smiling stick figure boy with red eyes and purple hair is giving a thumbs-up.

Miu opens the card, pushing the pages open with the back of her curled left hand. Inside, there's a picture Miu recognizes. It was over the summer. There'd been a remote-controlled boat race at the lake nearby. Miu had helped Team Hope's Peak build one. In the picture, she's surrounded by Sora and Yuuto and Kanna and even Rantaro's littlest sister, Hina. They're all touching the silver second place trophy. All smiling, all laughing. Probably at Miu for insisting that she let the first place winner win.

The entire other page is simply one phrase: "I love Aunt Iruma!"

"I  helped him spell it," Maki says. She shifts behind Kaito and rubs his shoulder. He covers her hand with his. "Thank you, Miu."

For her part, Miu is almost too stunned to speak. She traces the blocky crayon letters, rubs the waxy residue between her fingers. "Thank you? For what?"

"For being so good to Sora," Maki says. "He loved it here, he loved it anywhere you were. You made his life happy. Much happier than either Kaito or I ever had." Maki steps out from behind the couch and bows slightly. "So thank you."

Miu smiles. The sensation is foreign. "He… he made me really fucking happy, y'know?"

"We know. That's part of the reason we always picked you first to babysit."

Covering her mouth with her curled hand, Miu holds in a sob. "Gonna miss him so much." 

Maki fiddles with the pearls on her necklace. She yanks on it, almost tearing it from her neck. "Miu, there's something you should know." Maki peels off her coat and tosses it on Kaito's lap. She reaches behind her and pulls her dress so that it's taut over her stomach. Maki's so thin that the unmistakable bump of pregnancy is clear against the outline of the dress.

"You're…" Miu breathes. She takes a step closer. "H-how long… how far?"

"We've known for a couple months. Doctor said I'm probably four along."

Miu doesn't know what to say. Is it appropriate to say congratulations after they just buried their first child? Fortunately, Miu doesn't need to say anything as Maki takes the inventor's curled hand and brings it to her belly. Miu slowly, slowly uncurls her fingers, stretching them. It's probably her imagination, but Miu thinks she can feel the tiny heartbeat.

A twinge of jealousy surges through Miu but she bites it back. "When… when he - or, uh, she - when they're born… will you need someone to watch them."

Maki suddenly recoils and jerks back. "Ah!" Kaito quickly stands and steadies Maki. "S-sorry," Maki whispers. "Maybe… maybe not right away."

Miu's heart threatens to shatter and her stomach twists. They do blame her after all. But a part of Miu understands. There's nothing but time that can heal a wound as large as the one Sora left. "O-okay, I get it. I-I won't…"

Maki collects her coat. Her shoulders shake slightly and Kaito's eyes are misty. "This- This isn't a no, Miu," Maki says. "Just… yeah…"

Shuffling into her coat, Maki and Kaito head towards the door. Right before they leave, Kaito turns to Miu. "By the way," he says. God, his voice is too weak to be Kaito Momota's. "Charge your phone. Everyone's worried sick."

With that, no goodbyes are exchanged. Kaito shuts the door behind him. The sun is low and the shadows in Miu's apartment are long. It will take quite a while before they recede, before that ever-looming shadow of a life cut short releases them from its grip.

Miu finds her phone shoved between her pillows. She plugs it in but doesn't turn it on yet. She goes to the bathroom. It still smells like mold, a lingering, foul smell. Not strong enough to force Miu out but apparent enough that she can't ignore it. She looks in the mirror, switches between focusing on one sky blue eye then the other. They're not the eyes of a killer.

She manages a shower, taking care to set the card Sora made on the counter before she gets in (letting go of it was harder than any invention she'd ever made). When she's done, she puts on the same sweats she wore the day she and Sora made poi. They were the best inventor chefs there ever was or ever will be. 

An alarm rings. It's a small, waterproof alarm that echoes in the bathroom. A reminder to take her medicine. An injection of estrogen and some supplements. She's always made sure to take them. A part of her hopes that one day she'll take it and be cured. She knows that bullshit. No, she takes them to make sure she'll live, that osteoporosis or some other side effect of her fucking condition won't kill her.

There's a hair tie next to her supplements. She'd taken them before she and Sora left for the laundromat. What if she had remembered to grab it? Would she have stopped to tie her hair up? Would that let enough time pass that the drunk would be long past them before Sora let go? Before she let go?

She shakes her head. She can't think like that. Whatever online articles she read told her as much. She grabs her phone and turns it on. Almost instantly, she's bombarded with texts and missed call notifications. Classmates and friends asking how she's doing, if she's okay, begging for a response.

The assault goes for almost two minutes straight but eventually quiets. She taps out a quick message to a big group chat, letting everyone know she's alright. A few immediate well-wishers like Kaede and Kirumi are all that respond.

Miu lies back in her bed. She stares into the darkness. She hopes wherever Sora is, it's not as dark as it is here. Though she'd never been religious, Miu whispers an near silent prayer, one that's meant for Sora and Sora only.

Her phone buzzes and she grabs it, meaning only to turn it off for the night, but the text message isn't from the group chat like she thought. It's from Tenko. She opens it up. The text is long.

"Hey, Miu, I got the group message. I don't know how you're feeling but Himiko and I have been meaning to get out and do our date night we planned. This might be wrong of me to ask, but would you mind watching Yuuto? I… understand if you don't want to. Don't feel any pressure if you're not feeling up to it! We understand!"

It's formal and stilted, not at all like either Tenko or Himiko speak. Miu's types out "No" but then pauses, rereads the message.

"Would you mind watching Yuuto?" she says aloud. Anxiety bubbles in her throat. Can she watch Yuuto? Of course she's free, but last time, last time she watched. She bites her lip.

Her phone buzzes again. Another message from Tenko.

"If you're worried. We trust you :)"

Miu tightens her grip. Before she can stop herself, she types out a message and hits send.

"Sure, I can take care of him."   


 

**Author's Note:**

> Holy shit. When I first started writing this I was imaging a funny "Antics of Miu the Babysitter" type thing. How we ended up here, I'm not exactly sure. But here we are. 
> 
> All I know is I really want more Miu as a mom fics. There's so much potential there in her character and is something I might explore in another fic. Hopefully this time with less despair.
> 
> As always, comments and criticism are always welcome.


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